Too Much TV

There's this really odd show on right now. It's on IFC, but I'm not sure what it's called. Hey, wait, I can hit the info button. Oh, there it is. It's called Food Party. It looks like it cost about $38 to produce. I'm going to reserve judgment. It seemed humorous at first, but I'm not sure I get it at this point.

Let's see what I have recorded on the DVR. First up, How the Earth Was Made. I enjoy this show, but I'm not sure I accept all of their time lines.

Pawn Stars. A show about a pawn shop in Las Vegas. It's kind of like the Antiques Roadshow, people bring in stuff, the guy tells them what it is and how much he'll pay for it. I hope they keep the show about the stuff, and not the people.

Mythbusters. Adam kind of annoys me sometimes, but those guys have the best jobs in the world.

The This Old House Hour. I never give to public television (well, except when I pay taxes), but I never miss an episode of this show. They fix up an old house. Usually the owners have a very big budget, so the homes end up looking very nice.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold. I think it's Cartoon Network. Batman teams up with any number of other heroes, most of whom I've never heard. Also, Batman can do anything on this show, including time travel and separate his spirit from his body which allows him to fight crime while being buried alive.

Psych. USA. He's a detective who pretends to be psychic.

The National Parks. The Ken Burns documentary, on PBS. Not quite as interesting as the WWII doc, so it's taking me a while to get through.

There are also some movies recorded, like The African Queen and The Fearless Vampire Killers. Occasionally I'll go through the schedule and record movies from TCM.

That's just what I have recorded. There are other shows set to record. And then there's the football games that I try to watch.

I'm pretty sure I watch too much TV.

Science Fiction Writers Tell the Future

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing inherently wrong with so called "reality shows." Not that I love them, mind you, there's plenty I haven't seen. One that I've never seen because the title always sounds kind of disgusting to me is Wife Swap (I feel dirty just typing it.)

OK, I just got back from washing my hands.

Sometimes people tell me about podcasts they listen too, and I think, well, that sounds interesting, but later I can't remember what they told me.

Here are my favorites:

• The History of Rome. Mike Duncan explains it at just the level and pace that appeals to me, along with a dry humor.
• NPR Science Friday. Hosted by Ira Flatow. Guests and topics that I find interesting. I especially liked a recent episode with They Might Be Giants.
• NPR On Science. Science stories from Morning Edition and All Things Considered.
• Get-It-Done Guy. There's a lot of Quick and Dirty Tips podcasts, but this is the only one that's had any staying power with me. Stever Robbins gives hints and tips on how to organize your work and life. Not all the episodes relate to what I need, but I still listen.
• X Minus 1. Yes, the old radio show, in podcast form. If you like science fiction short stories, you should like this. They dramatize stories by science fiction writers. Since I've started listening I've already heard a couple from one my favorites, Robert Sheckley.

Years ago, probably in high school, I read a Sheckley story that has for some reason stuck with me all these years. I don't remember the title, but in the story there is a popular TV program that chooses a family at random and shows up at their house to record what they do day to day. If the audience finds you interesting enough, you win something, or something along those lines.

Well, in the story, the show finds this family and they turn out to be quite dull and they don't win. The family is disappointed and set about to do better the next time. But it's a one in a million chance that the show would pick you once, let alone twice. Nevertheless they start dressing crazy and doing everything a little off, (and the story ends something like this) so that next time they'd be ready.

From what I understand, the Henne family's been on Wife Swap, twice. I think they'd really, really have to do something interesting to get on TV a third time. But I could be wrong.

Canoe Goals

A couple of weeks ago my son and I went out on the reservoir in my canoe. My goal was to reach a train trestle that's inaccessible by road. It was a little windy out, but we decided to go for it.



Immediately the wind started pushing us, and not the direction we wanted to go. I'd try to head directly into the wind, but kept getting turned and pushed off course. The trestle is, what I know now, a little over two miles away from where we put in. It didn't seem possible we'd make it. And at one point we gave up and decided to head back.



But, what else did we have to do that afternoon? Nothing! We decided to give it one more big push.



If you're not familiar with the Harry S. Truman Reservoir, there are parts upstream where trees still stand in the middle of the water. They are long since dead, but you can still navigate through them almost as if the land had never been flooded.



These trees proved to be the key. When we decided to make our last big push, instead of focusing on the bridge over two miles away, I picked out a tree just a few yards ahead and made for it. Before I knew it, we'd reached the tree, so I picked a stump yet a few yards ahead again. We reached it.



We leap-frogged from tree to stump to tree in this way and found that, though the paddling was strenuous, we were making progress. We would do so well at times that I would fail to pick out an intermediate target and just paddle toward the bridge. That's exactly when the wind would get a hold of us and turn us around. So I'd have to spend a few minutes getting the canoe pointed in the right direction, which wasn't easy. Then once again I'd pick out a tree and make for it.



It took us about two hours to get to the bridge and about a half hour to get back. Yeah, it was ridiculous.



There's got to be a lesson there about how in order to reach your big goals you have to set smaller, intermediate goals.



Here's the trestle. I'd like to jump from it some day, but it is very high. About a hundred feet I would guess. I suppose I need a smaller, more attainable goal. I'll paddle out to it on a less windy day next time.

Cheap Halloween Costume

Halloween is coming up, and I know what I'm going to be-Left Behind Guy. All I have to do is write 666 on my head with a Sharpie. That'll be freaky scary at the Sunday school get together.

Adam Sandler would be proud.

Kanye West?

Let's pretend it's a couple three weeks ago, and Kanye had just verified for us that Beyonce had one of the greatest music videos of all time.

Why is everyone so mad at Kanye? I'm not. I don't even feel sorry for Miss Swift. If Kanye's interrupting her VMA acceptance speech is the worst that that happens to poor Taylor this year, then she is having a pretty good year. I bet there's a million 17 or 18 year old (I don't know how old she is) pretty young blonds with half a voice that would give her left ovary to be interrupted by Kanye at the VMAs.

I don't hold a grudge against him, but I'm not in love with Kanye either. I wouldn't recognize a Kanye song if I heard it. I don't hate rap or R&B, it's just been a long time since I've paid attention to popular music.

But here's the deal. While they were raising money for Katrina victims, Kanye and Mike Myers were supposed to read from cue cards. Myers read his part, but West went off script with some impromptu rant and punctuated it with, "George Bush hates black people."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but back then I don't remember even one person calling Kanye an A-hole.

Coke Zero

In my opinion, Coke Zero makes no one happy. My wife says she can't drink it because it tastes too much like regular Coke. It tastes like Diet Coke to me. So who's going to drink this stuff?

If it truly tastes just like regular Coke, why still make regular Coke. Coke would say, "Hey, look how healthy our soda is. And you can't tell the difference!"

Now It's Personal

Now he's gone too far! What's he going to tax next? Tea?

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2009/09/08/2009-09-08_president_obama_says_sin_tax_on_sodas_is_food_for_thought.html

Take That, Mary Poppins!

The Right to Buy Pants

Today I should be in a better mood, after all, I have the day off from work. But alas, it's raining outside and I don't have anything planned besides babysitting the kids. My wife hates when I say I'm babysitting our kids. I guess I'm exerting direct parental control over my kids today.

I feel like I should write about health care. Well, I'm not not going to say much about it, except that it will hurt providers if more people sign up for some kind of "public option". The reason is the "public option" will likely pay Medicare rates, and who can live on that? Last year the Missouri Hospital Association was pushing this program where more Missourians could sign up and gain coverage through Medicaid. This was somehow supposed to be a boost to hospitals, who otherwise were seeing these patients as self pay. I opposed it, on principal. It's not worth dealing with all of Missouri's stupid Medicaid regulations to be paid 22 cents on the dollar (if you're lucky). Like right now...oh never mind. I was going to talk about the convoluted way you have to bill the drugs a Medicaid patient receives in the hospital, but this paragraph is too long already.

Let's talk about pants. I did buy some over the weekend-two pairs of jeans, dungarees. Why would I buy jeans? Well, I recognize that in this culture I live in there are many instances where jeans are quite appropriate, and I didn't have any that didn't have big holes in the knees.

The first pair I picked are Levis 501 button fly. I know, I didn't think I could wear those either, but I bought a size bigger than what I normally wear, and they actually fit. The second pair are made by Vans, the skateboarding shoe company. I thought they only made shoes. Who knew? At any rate, they were a size bigger also.

So, maybe I'm fatter now. Since I was 19 or 20 I've worn 32/32, but recently I've bumped the waist up to 34. But here's the thing, I'm pretty sure I'm not taller, yet I've also had to bump the inseam up to 34 as well. This is not just my jeans, is all the pants I buy. I feel like when my stats are recorded they'll have to put an asterisk beside my pants size earlier in my career. "*Pre modern era pants size."

This went a little long. Sorry. But that's how it is once I start talking about pants.

Open Letter to Medicaid Recipients

Dear Medicaid Recipients,

The health care reform debate is heating up and I wonder if you really care. I know you already have "universal coverage," so the lively town hall discussions may not seem apropros to you. When people talk about "affordable health care coverage," you may not know what they are talking about, as you receive your health care coverage for free.

This may or may not get you interested in the health care debate going on around the country, but as it turns out, your coverage is not free. It is funded by thousands of tax paying citizens from all across the nation. There are many, many folks who earn income and see the government take a portion of it to fund your health care. Your health care is also provided for, in part, by the professionals and businesses where you seek treatment. Each one of them has to take a drastic cut in their reimbursement when they bill the state for your care. The Medicaid reimbursement does not cover their costs.

There are many Medicaid recipients who are not comfortable receiving this benefit from the state, and many who are probably embarrassed when they have to pull our their Medicaid cards when seeking treatment. This embarrassment is not necessary, but it is understandable. For some there is a stigma attached to being on any kind of welfare program.

If you find yourself on Medicaid, by all means use your benefits, that's why they are there. There is no sense in going through the application process, getting qualified, and then not accessing care. You should do everything you can to keep you and your family healthy. Though many people believe it's a shame that we have to rely on the government to make sure you have health coverage, verses relying on family, a church community, or a privately paid for health plan through a group or employer, no one would deny that you shouldn't utilize your tax payer funded plan if you have it.

Besides seeking the care you need, there is one thing I encourage you, and every other patient to do when going to the doctor or hospital. Please be gracious. In light of everything, please be thankful that you will likely walk out of the hospital owing nothing, even after receiving a high dollar test. There are many patients who pay an insurance premium every month, and will still owe a high deductable on that same test. Legally you may be entitled to your Medicaid coverage, but it would be a stretch to say you deserve it. No one should ever treat you with disrespect. You should receive the same caring and customer service as everyone else, but please be sure to return that kindness.

Perhaps one day we'll all have the same health ID card and no one will ever have to worry about being treated differently because of his coverage. Until then, take care.

Sincerely,

kenkenkenamerica

Write Your Congressman-I Did

Never in my life have I written my congressman, until this evening. I actually sent a message to the two MO US senators as well. Here is what I said:

Subj: Health Care Reform

Dear _______,

Please do your best to keep the United States government from getting into health care anymore than it already is. Our government cannot solve all of our problems. Please let the free market and the citizens' ingenuity solve this one.

Sincerely,

KRL

Writing your legislators has never been easier. Go to house.gov or senate.gov, find your legislators, follow the links to contact them, and clickety click, send a message. See. Easy.

I Trust the Government

Here is the preamble to that House bill 3200, you know, the one that will solve all of our health care problems:

"To provide affordable, quality health care for all Americans and reduce the growth in health care spending, and for other purposes."

• Affordable. For who? Services received by anyone on the government plan will be paid an Medicare rates. That's where the government tells you how much you'll be paid for providing care. But be careful, if you provide more care than the government says the patient needs, you won't be paid at all. Medicare rates are meant to cover costs, and Medicare gets to say what the cost is. And it's not like the Medicare system is rolling in cash. The free market is on life support.
• Quality. If more services are paid at Medicare rates, providers will see revenues drop. How many businesses do you know of where when you pay less, you get more?
• Reduce...spending. Uh? I thought we were all about spending! What's the stimulus package then?
• And for other purposes. This one's my favorite. Spend 10 minutes reading the monster bill and you'll see things in there that make you wonder why the government cares, and even if it did, how in the world will it ever manage or oversee it all without creating this huge, bloated bureaucracy that will become involved in our every health care decision...oh wait.

The government's got to get out. Reform the tort laws. Let medical insurance be insurance, not a pre-paid medical plan. Providers should make it clear what services will cost, ahead of time. Health care is not a right. Let the free market live.

If you feel that this blog is providing misinformation about the health care bill, feel free to report it to the White House.

No Nore F22s (with a little sarcasm)

The Senate and the Obama administration decided to not build anymore F22s. Finally. Why spend my money on weapons that real Americans build? Now, instead of giving that money back to the tax payers, they can take it and use it on some of that wonderful health care bureaucracy that will save our souls and help us live forever.

In California they finally figured out how to reduce their gargantuan deficit-cut spending! I just worry about the poor illegal immigrants. I certainly hope that none of the spending cuts will affect them.

Missouri in all their wisdom sent us a letter this week stating that our reimbursement for outpatient services would be a whopping 20% of billed charges. For now, that's the lowest they can pay per state law. Needless to say, a hospital cannot cover costs with that kind of reimbursement. Man, I sure hope Obama comes through with his health care reform!

The Great American Vacation

We just returned from an overland trip to Montana and back. The wife, the kids, and I all piled into our 1999 Ford Windstar and hit the road. It was just like I remember it when I was a kid.

Well, not quite. My parents were much more apt to camp. My family was more like Abraham's family when I was young. Travel to a new place, pitch a tent, build and altar. Our tents now come with plumbing, and some nights a fridge. I'm not going to complain about this new development. It's very convenient, and comfortable. The matress at our cabin was better than the one we have at home, and it was one hundred times better than a tree root.

The traveling was not quite the same, either. I could never read in the car, not as a kid, and not now. It makes me sick. So I've seen a lot of countryside and a lot of billboards. I wanted my kids to have the same experience, but it didn't work out like that. Someone thought there should be a DVD player in the van. Instead of enjoying the natural beauty of the Black Hills, my kids watched Boz, for the one hundredth time.

Otherwise, everything went fine. We walked each day until we were exhausted, drove mile after mile, threatened the kids everytime they fought (which was about as often as we passed a green mile marker).

We saw some of man's amazing handywork at Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse, some of God's most beautiful creation all throughout the Black Hills, but it was all second rate for the kids. What they look forward to the most is the day they make their pilgrimage to that magical Mecca known as Disney World. I've survived my whole like having never gone there, but I'm having a hard time convincing the kids they'll grow to adulthood if we don't go. The only time we went to Florida when I was a kid was to attend Hobe Sound Bible Camp. Surely they'll appreciate that, won't they?

Dr. George Tiller Killed at Church

It was very strange for me to hear about the murder of Dr. Tiller today. This is why. Just last night, actually very early this morning, I was thinking about partial birth abortion and how terrible it is, and dreadfully, how painful it must be for the babies. I couldn't sleep, and never can when my wife is out of town, and for some reason this thought came to mind. I also thought that as much as I'm against it, and as wrong as I think it is, besides faithfully voting pro-life, I've done precious little about it.

The other thing that occurred to me is how many professed Christians are pro-abortion, up to and including our President. Our President, the wise like Solomon Barack Obama, can't decide when a baby is a baby. When asked when life began he said "That's above my pay grade." Well, he's president now. Is it still above his pay grade? If it's a life, and you end it, then it's murder. So if you're not really sure, wouldn't ere on the side of caution, or rather, ere on the side of life? Because maybe, just maybe, it's a living human being and if we abort it, then we just murdered someone.

But 'Christians' go around voting for Democrats, jumping on President Obama's bandwagon, feeling like they're progressive, and hoping that the government will take care of poor people because as Christians, you know, they really care about poor people.

Anyway, I'm just saying that's what was going through my head this morning.

Then I log on and see a news story that Dr. Tiller was murdered, in church! Taking the offering! I cannot justify his murder at all. I believe in the rule of law. St. Paul tells me I ought to obey the laws of my land. However, I am not sad that Dr. Tiller will not be performing anymore late term abortions. Also, I cannot say that his murder was punishment. Many people who don't perform abortions are murdered every day.

So tonight, before I attempt sleep, I'll pray that something good will come of this. Somehow I feel this is a set back for pro-life. Yet, if there is an abortion scheduled for tomorrow in Wichita that won't be performed, I won't be disappointed.

Will to Skynyrd

Remember that group, Will to Power? Me neither, but I do remember a song they did. Actually, I think it was the song they did. At any rate, they covered Peter Frampton's Baby I Love Your Way. Now I've always liked that Frampton song, but the genius behind Will to Power's version is they put a verse from Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird in there. That song obviously did very well on charts. How could it not? If you take two great songs, mash 'em together, what do you get, one great song!

There is another song out right now that follows that formula, and interestingly enough, one of the songs in the mash up is another Skynyrd hit. Until last night I didn't know who did it. Turns out it's Kid Rock and his song is All Summer Long. He combines Warren Zevon's Werewolves of London and Skynyrd's Sweet Home Alabama. I believe that song is doing well also. I have to say, when I start my band, the first thing I'll do is combine some Skynyrd songs with some other songs I like. It's a no brainer. Every Skynyrd song is great, so automatically one half of your song is great. So all you have to do find another tried and true song and bam, a hit!

With that in mind, here is side A of my first album:

1. Saturday Night is Back (AC/DC's Back in Black, Saturday Night Special)
2. Smell It (Michael Jackson's Beat It, That Smell)
3. The Breeze Never Sleeps (Puccini's Nessun Dorma, Call Me the Breeze)
4. Three Steps from the King (Robert Grant's O Worship the King, Gimme Three Steps)
5. Summer Questions (Kid Rock's All Summer Long, Don't Ask Me No Questions)

Now, where to shoot the videos?

Is it a pun?

I always wanted to make up one of these. I don't know what they're called, but here are a couple of my feeble attempts.

A couple of weeks ago I was way down in Alabama. I was visiting some old friends and one of them gave me a present. It was in a little box, and when I opened it there was a ticket that said, "One free evening rental of the party hearse." What? I said. They explained this was an old car that you could rent for special occasions. Cool. So I went ahead a reserved it for the next night. Well, the next evening came, and it was a disaster. Five of my buddies and me loaded into the car, and we started to tell the driver where to go, but he said he had a couple of stops first. Long story short, it was still a working hearse, so we had to pick up a couple of corpses at two different morgues. We figured he'd drop them off at the funeral home, but he was like, OK, where to? We asked if he'd rather make his deliveries. He said nah, and so we had to ride around all night through Mobile with those bodies. The next day I told my aunt what happened. She said, "Now honey, don't you know you never book a gift hearse in the south?"

OK, another.

When I got to the barracks there was only one rack left. I had my doubts because it was covered with these large red spots, like someone had spilled paint on it, but I didn't have a choice. Well, for some reason, for the next few nights I couldn't help but pee the bed. It's embarrassing, but I kept having these accidents. Each time I'd get up and change the sheet and all, expecting the worst in the morning. The thing was, though, the matress was never dirty. Every morning it was as good as new. I expected to at least turn it over or something, but it was clean. One ol' boy standing there saw me looking at the rack and figured out exactly what I was pondering. "Don't you know boy, a blotched cot never soils?"

Positive Reinforcement

This year, 2009, was to the year I stayed positive. Specifically, I meant to not criticize others. That is proving very difficult. Just look at some of the posts on this blog.

The positive resolution is one I've made before. I truly want to be known as someone who speaks well of people, without being critical or denigrating, but the natural tendency is to speak evil and not good (at least mine is, you can speak for yourself).

The thing is, I really don't think of myself as being overly negative, but I know that is relative. I, and we all, know folks who complain, kvetch, and bellyache about every detail of their lives, and who can stand these people? It's a reaction against these fault finders I think that makes me want to ride the pendulum to the other side (man, that sounds negative).

(OK, I'm back. I played Old Maid with my kids and then watched The Flowers of St. Francis.)

You know who stayed positive? That St. Francis of Assisi. Wasn't it St. Francis that said, "Preach the Gospel at all times. When necessary, use words."? What is the Gospel but the Good News? Perhaps that's what I strive for, to tell the good news with my actions rather than the bad with my words.

One last thing. I really don't know what to expect from being positive. Will I be happier? More likable? Or will people find me strange? Pious? Oh well, I just think it's something I should do.

OK, here's to a positive rest of 2009! Salute!

Cut the Fat/Build a Monorail

This is what I'm talking about. The President said he is going to direct his cabinet to find wasteful programs and cut them. Bravo! I applaud that effort. I'll give them a head start-federal funding of abortions (I should really get off that single cause lest I be labeled a right wing extremist terrorist).

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124002247015831371.html#mod=whats_news_free?mod=igoogle_wsj_gadgv1

The President, who wants to cut wasteful spending, announced he wants to spend $13 billion on high speed trains. I'm of the opinion that an industry that is highly subsidized by the government today should not be given $13 billion. Public transportation, as much as I've appreciated it when I've had the need for it, doesn't support itself at all.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123989461947625407.html

I know there are probably dozens of subsidized programs that I've benefited from through the years, but this is a matter of principle for me. If a service cannot be supported by the free market, should I have to support it with my tax dollars? Should anyone? If something is truly needed, won't the free market find a way to provide it? I think so, assuming the government stays out of the way, or merely protects the rights of free people to make their own choices.

This notion of letting the free market work itself out is probably a little simplistic, but the alternative is a bunch of elected officials pretending they know best how to spend my money. They don't.

Tax

It's not that I don't think we should pay taxes, it's just that I doubt they are being spent wisely once collected. Well, for instance, once elected, our President, who would like to work together to reduce the number of abortions, immediately authorized the federal funding of abortions in foreign countries. That is probably the last thing I'd ever spend money on. I'd sooner pay to study the mating habits of snail darters, or some other useless endeavor.

Please don't tell me we're creating jobs. Give us our money back, and we'll spend it on the things that matter to us, creating real jobs that provide real services.

It's doubtful we'll ever end poverty, especially by taking money from those who have it and dolling it out to those who don't. Didn't Jesus Christ say we'd always have the poor among us? We might as well let government get out of the way so that those who have the ambition have a chance to become upwardly mobile. Isn't that what's great about America? We all have the same opportunity, or at least we don't have to worry about the government getting in our way?

Roads, military, space exploration. That's what I want my government to spend my money on. I'll study the mating habits of various life forms myself, for free.

Be Healed!

Our president authorized federal funding for embryonic stem cell research (escr) today. Oh, that is just wonderful! I'll be looking for the cure to my dermatillamania next week.

Think of it! Escr holds so much promise that even though it's been legal for private companies to conduct it, they have demurred, saying, "No, it's too important for us to do, we'll wait for the gov't to fund it, so they can have the glory"! That's a direct quote (more or less).

It must suck to have a serious disease. I am thankful I do not have that cross to bear. But if I did, would I advocate destroying life to potentially cure my disease? God I hope not. It's impossible for me to really know what it's like to live with a debilitating disease, so I can't stand in judgement, but somewhere along the way I have to accept that I'm going to die of my last ailment.

So we have to cut our losses somewhere. Sure, maybe experimenting on 10 year old children would lead to all kinds of advances and cures and life would be wonderful, no disease, no pain, no suffering, yet, somehow, I still think we'd end up dying. Where would it leave us? Living a few more extra years here, which is a minute fraction of eternity, after hurting, injuring, and destroying something else.

Is escr necessary? Aren't they making advances with adult stem cells? Why aren't the big evil pharmaceutical companies studying embryonic stem cells if there is so much potential (oh, wait, they want us to be sick so we have to buy drugs). Where does life begin? I'm not sure, but I'm not going to take any chances.

Oh, and yes, I do believe people ought to think about what they're doing before a bunch of eggs are fertilized without being spoken for.

New Pants

They say there's no problem common to the human condition that can't be solved by a well- placed, well-timed, high explosive. Well, I think there is no problem that a man will face that can't be alleviated by a well-pressed, well-fitted, comfortable pair of slacks.

A man can do nothing better for himself than find a pair of slacks that are truly magnificent. Just to be clear, jeans are not what we have in mind. There's a reason they won't let you wear dungarees to the office, and there's a reason the ladies are always kvetching, "I wish we could wear jeans, at least on Fridays." No sir, denim, as useful as it may be, especially when it comes to sailing ships, does not make a fine pair of slacks.

Good things happen when you wear slacks. I spent most of my high school years wearing jeans and cannot think of even one really great thing that happened, save one. I met my wife in high school, but the night I met her, I was wearing slacks! I got married in slacks. Any job I ever really wanted I got while wearing slacks. The best shrimp alfredo I ever ate I enjoyed while wearing a pair of gray, flannel, flat front slacks.

Think about it, the men you admire the most always wear slacks: James Bond, Abraham Lincoln, William Wallace. OK, Wallace may not have worn slacks, but he didn't wear jeans either. They're not 'dress-up pants' or 'church pants,' they're just slacks, but they will change your world.

If you needed any more proof that slacks are essential it's that a good pair is so hard to find. More on that in another entry. Also, though the word slacks denotes a single unit of clothing, you treat it like it's plural, both with an 's' at the end and using the second-person plural. (Sure, the other pieces of clothing you wear below the waist to cover your legs, even half way down, follows that rule, but still.)

Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go iron some slacks. This is not a domestic chore you can trust with your wife. As skilled as she might be with your shirts, you'd better let mamasan do your slacks, or else do them yourself.

Prison Break

Despite the title, I've never seen the show Prison Break, not even one episode. I'm sure it's a great show, though.

Have you ever seen a movie that begins with the protagonist, after what you assume has been years behind bars, walking out of prison? I'm thinking The Getaway here, or any other number of movies. Whenever I see that scene I think, "Man, what a great feeling that must be!" Can you imagine? Getting out of prison, and having the rest of your day free! There is not much that can beat that, I bet.

We spend a lot of time and energy, and money, trying to have a truly great experience. I went on a vacation a few months ago that I thought would be pretty great, and honestly it was, but I still don't think it would compare to that day you get out of prison. Maybe it's that whole freedom thing. Being locked up and getting sprung. I think that scene in The Shawshank Redemption, though he isn't released per se, may demonstrate it well. Once he craws out of the sewer and stands there, arms outstretched in the rain, there he knows freedom once again.

There is one experience that may rival getting out of prison. Being convicted, but getting some kind of reprieve and not having to go. Now that would be amazing. I can't imagine the relief a person would feel.

So, the only way I know to experience all this would be to get convicted and sent up the river. I'm just not sure what crime to commit. I may need some legal advice.

Coming Attractions

I hope to blog about the following topics in the near future:

Getting out of prison

Look for these new and exciting posts, all coming soon to this blog.

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What's Wrong with AMC?

If the AMC still stands for American Movie Classics, then they got some guy like me over their categorizing the movies. Me and the AMC dude obviously have the same criteria a movie must meet in order to qualify as a classic.

1. Saw it once or twice.
2. Thought it was cool.

No longer do they play exclusively black and white films that we know we should appreciate, with stars that we know we should recognize. Instead, this weekend, for instance, you will see Terminator III, Rise of the Machines. Full color, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton.

That's not to say they won't reach further back in time. They recently aired Death Wish. This film may fall into a lot of categories, but American Movie Classic generally isn't one of them. That's a shame. Charles Bronson going around NYC, shooting up badies in revenge for the killing of his wife. It's a good thing they have the guy over at AMC picking the movies and not my humanities professor (or Christopher Guest).

A few weeks ago I was able to appreciate the Rocky films, all over again. The genius film decider played Rockys I-IV. Well, he also showed V, but not everyone's perfect. And I know he has some taste because I've yet to see The Godfather part III on AMC.

Alas, however, AMC isn't perfect. Last night while screening that veritable classic Commando, another Schwarzenegger joint, a film that falls short in a lot of ways, particularly with the original release coming so closely on the heels of the first Rambo movie, I was reminded of how flawed AMC can be.

First of all, commercials come at very regular intervals. This is a drag, because I just want to see Arnold come out of the shed and hack some soldier's arm off. Instead, I'm forced to sit through about 92 Enzyte ads, and if Enzyte did what they said it did, well, nevermind.

The other problem with AMC is the movies are edited into oblivion. The aforementioned arm hacking never happened, at least not in last night's version. What's up with that? Isn't that like wrapping a towel around Angelo's Michael? When I was a kid, maybe six or seven, I distinctly remember one of the killers in Death Wish spray painting the woman's hiny. Well, in the watered-down version the spray paint is there, some of the attack is there, but the derriere graffiti is gone. Come on! I expect that when I watch Raging Bull on PBS Joe Pesci will say "Freakin'" a lot, but this is basic cable, dude. You got to trust us to not let our 8 year old sons watch Michael Corleone consolidate his power.

Well, I shouldn't complain or be negative. I resolved to not do that this year, but this has been brewing for a while. All I know is, when I tune in to the next Godfather marathon, I better see Mo Green get shot right through the eyeball. If not, I'm pulling out my DVDs and skipping the Enzyte commercials.