Red Red Whine

In yesterday's post I related how I had a bad race in Branson last Sunday. I was pretty disappointed, during, and after, the race. Heck! I'm still a little disappointed right now. But I own that bad race.

I talked about how my back tightened up and made it hard to get good deep breaths. At one point I thought I might die, but I realized it would be a slow death, slow enough to let me finish the race, so I might as well keep moving. I think the reason my back gave me that trouble on the run is because I didn't train enough on the bike. I think my back was reacting to being in the aero position for so long, which it's not accustomed to doing.

I also know that if I'm really honest I'd say I don't really 'train', but rather, 'exercise'. Even though I track my times and efforts and all that, it's been a while since I've put that information to use. That's the main problem with my swim. I'm happy to just knock out a certain distance. I need to incorporate some time goals and work to achieve them. Space and time, just like that famous triathlete Einstein told us about.

Even in the midst of that run last Lord's Day, I remembered something I read the night before. I ran across an article on some triathlon site about things to remember on race day. Probably a little late to start getting ready for a race the night before, but the last thing on the list was something like, "Be thankful you are able to race." So I had to give thanks for being out there, even as a man with a prosthetic leg passed me. Props to him.

So what now? Man, last Sunday I said I was never doing a triathlon again! Today I'm looking at full Ironman races and trying to decide which would work out best for me. Actually, I think if I get into a full Ironman I want to meet some intermediate goals before I even sign up. But that's tricky, because a lot of these races fill up so fast. And I'm disappointed that the St. George race in Utah is now a half Ironman. Wisconsin sells out the day registration opens (what is it with that race?). So maybe TX or Louisville? Any thoughts?

At any rate, I did work out today for the first time since last Sunday. Squats, deadlift, and crunches. Twenty-four minutes all together. I recorded the weights and sets, but it was really just a light set to get back into the swing of things. Let's see if I can get any better at the next workout.

ps. BTW, normally you can follow me on Twitter, @kenkenkenusa, but yesterday I broke my iPhone (I know, I'm very sad). My son and I decided to go shoot skeet. At one point we were messing with the cord you pull, and I set the launcher. Cut to the launcher getting released and hitting me in the leg. I didn't think much of it at first, but then I thought, "That didn't hurt as much as I thought it would." And then, "Oh crap! My phone is in my pocket." Sure enough the screen got shattered. It still displays the time and the lock screen photo, but I can't "Slide to unlock." So, we may make a trip to the Apple store tomorrow.

The Big Branson 70.3 Bust

or

How Bad Do I Suck at Triathlon?

or

Time to Start Blogging About Something Else

Wow! What a let down. I knew my time wouldn't be great, but c'mon man!

Last Sunday I participated in the Branson 70.3 Ironman race. I say 'participated' because I didn't 'compete'. I was present. I, in fact, finished the race, but only after several others finished ahead of me.

My goal was to do just a little better than last year. In 2011 I finished in 7:10, and it took 4:05 to get through the bike course. So I thought I'd push it just a bit more on the bike and get done that much sooner. Everything went as planned, until I started running, my strongest event.

The day started early at Moonshine Beach. Normally it's an Army Corps of Engineers park, and the water is surprisingly clear. The water was also surprisingly warm. At 74 degrees it was warmer than the air, but still wetsuit legal. I got my transition all set up and got my wetsuit on and decided I should hit the port-a-potty once more before my wave started.

Normally urinating in a port-a-potty is uneventful, if not really smelly. You don't expect to be put on display when you're in there. There were about fifteen port-a-johns lined up but there were only five or six lines of people taking turns to get into one. Everyone was standing 10-15 feet back from the doors and nobody was going into a john unless they saw someone come out. There was no one going down the line knocking on doors looking for an empty one.

So with that knowledge I stepped into the head and didn't feel it necessary to lock the door. About midstream I hear a knock. "Just a second!" I say. Knock again. "Just a second!" At this point the door opens and a young lady is standing there (mid 20s?). If I opened a port-a-potty door and there was anyone in there I'd probably get that door shut in half a second and be embarrassed. This girl lingered! I tried to keep my back to her but I turned my head around and looked her in the eye. She did not meet my gaze. I swear to you it seems like she was trying to get a look at my johnson. It's like she was trying to see what I was holding in there. And it's not like she was, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" and then slammed the door. It was more like, "Oh, let me see what this guy is holding over there. What is that? Oh well, he obviously doesn't want me to see. I guess I'll close the door and go wait in line."

So with that out of the way, I decided to go for a swim with a few other guys 40-44 years old. I finished this 1.2 mile swim in 48:04 in 2011, in 2012 I finished in 48:12. Lost a few seconds, but consistent, uh? Pretty slow, too. I don't know why I swim so slowly, but my wife diagnosed my stroke and said I'm "methodical."

On to the bike. Last year I had no idea about my pace, speed, or anything while riding. So this year I brought my Garmin just so I could make sure I maintained some sort of minimum speed. I calculated that if I averaged 17 miles per hour I could finish in about three hours. After the first loop I could see that wasn't going to happen. There's about 3,000 feet of total ascent. If you don't believe the hills in Branson are steep and long, read anyone else's blog that did this race. I haven't read one where the blogger says, "There were hills, but they weren't that bad." Up hill I'd hit 7-9 miles per hour. Down hill I'd get up to around 38 MPH. Others say they went much faster (50+). I'm too much of a wuss to stay in the aero position on those down hills.

I finished the 56 mile hilly, non-flats, bike course in 3:44! That's 20 minutes better than 2011. I was happy getting off the bike. I started running, and my happiness ended.

As soon as I got off the bike and started running pain went through my midsection and around to my back. Not my lower back, it was all up around my ribcage. At first I couldn't figure out what was going on. I'd never experienced this kind of pain before. My first thought was I had eaten too many goos and my gut was reacting, but it wasn't that kind of pain. After probably three or four miles I finally figured out what was going on.

For whatever reason the muscles in my back started to spasm. When they did it constricted my ribcage and it got hard to breathe. I would literally have to force myself to take deep breaths, but when I did, more spasms. So I would slow down and walk until things calmed down. Then I'd start running, and with each step I could feel the muscles getting tighter and tighter. As they'd tighten they forced these little grunts out of me. So as people ran by they'd hear, "Huh, ugh, uh, erh." Finally I would have to walk again.

I really thought I'd get through this after the after the first few miles, but it persisted the whole race. I had to walk several times. I stopped and bent over a few times. At one point I crouched down and some dude told me not to stop and to not sit down, so I kept going. Once while I was walking a girl walked past me and said she didn't know if it hurt more to run or walk. I said walking hurt my pride but running hurt my body.

I finally finished the 13.1 mile run in 2:55. In 2011 it was 2:06. I was disappointed to say the least.
Well, this is long enough already. I have more to talk about, like the tallest guy ever to ride a bike and other observations while racing. I'll have to save them for another post. Sorry, no pics. My wife and I didn't even think to take the camera.

Branson 70.3 Tomorrow

Today's the day. Not the day of the race, but the day I get to go over and pick up my race packet and get all checked in for the Branson 70.3. My wife and I will drive over to the host hotel, I'll show them my ID, I'll pick up my swim cap and the obligatory tee-shirt, and I'll look at all the high-priced memorabilia in the Ironman store. There'll be a meeting I have to attend to explain the rules and logistics, then I'll go down to the beach and check in my bike and get my body marked. I'll probably go on over to The Landing and get my running stuff dropped off at T2 so I don't have to mess with that in the morning. After that, who knows.

My goal for this year is to do a little better than last year. The biggest opportunity is on the bike. I brought my Garmin so I can keep track of my speed. However, I plan to consume more calories this year than last year. That should make the biggest difference. I don't think I ate enough last year and by the end of the ride I was dragging. The hills here in Branson aren't a joke, so it's going to take a lot of Clif/Powerbars to get this done.

One thing that worries me are my various knees. They have been sore for a little while. Nothing major, just a little ache when I walk and stuff. Those little aches can turn into big pains when trying to run 13.1 miles. I did give them some rest leading up to tomorrow, so maybe it'll be OK. Still, I thought I'd better go ahead and get my excuse out there for why I might not finish.

Should I try for a full Ironman? I'll let you know after tomorrow. I'd like to say I finished one, I just don't know if I have the patience to train for one. Anyways, two 70.3s completed a year apart make ones 140.6, right?

The Grossest Part About Cycling

Today, Labor Day, I got in 56 miles on the bike, completing the 70.3 weekend! Yeah!
It got hot out there today. It was 91 degrees when I got back, and I was feeling it. Over the 56 miles I saw a number of other cyclists, a few turtles, and two horses with riders. Oh, and I only fell off my bike once.

Warning: Skip down to the asterisks if you do not wish to read about cycling and male physiology.

Sometimes on these longer rides I develop a little discomfort in the Nethers. Of course I try to reposition myself on the saddle to alleviate my discomfort, but eventually I realize it's going to take some, uh, manual manipulation to rectify the situation. So, I look around to make sure there are no witnesses, and then I, um, reach down to free myself, as it were. That really should be all I write about that, but there is one more thing to say about it. The point of relaying this to you is that once I've found myself, often I can't feel it because it's numb, like when you lie on your arm too long. Am I the only one? I'm sure this is where the phrase "numb nuts" comes from.

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I saw a dude out riding today, and though his bike wasn't exactly a recumbent, the guy had a chair for a saddle. I'm not kidding. It had a back and a nice wide seat and everything. Man, I bet he never has to re-adjust. I wonder if he even wears bike shorts.

Warning: Skip down to the asterisks if you don't want to read about bike shorts.

The grossest thing about cycling is the bike shorts. I'm not talking about how us guys look wearing them, though you could make a case for that. I'm talking about that giant pad in the bottom that's intended to cushion your ride. I still feel like a newbie, so I remember when I got my first pair of shorts, looked on the inside and thought, "What the what? Someone sewed a Depends up in these things!" And this is why it's so gross; I assume you're not supposed to wear undies with you bike shorts.

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Occasionally I tell people yes, when you first start riding you'll be sore in a few places you're not supposed to be sore, but the more you ride the more comfortable you get. I still get achy in my lower back when riding, but after researching a little more, it seems like I just need to ride more miles, and perhaps work on my core. Lately I've been trying to stretch my lower back as well. I'm not great at stretching out, I haven't made it a habit, but I think it's helped my back.

OK, I need to go. I gotta get the grill going and get my protein grilled. Happy Labor Day!

Katy Trail

14.3 Miles So Far

Friday I swam 2000 meters and today, Sunday, I ran* 13.1 miles. Tomorrow I hope to bike at least 56 miles. That will complete my 70.3 weekend, albeit out of order.

As I finished my swim on Friday morning it started raining here, and it was glorious. Thank you hurricane Isaac for gracing us with your presence. It rained Friday and Saturday, but not a big gully washer. It was just a good steady rain, and we needed it bad. So because of the rain on Saturday I elected to lift weights, even though I haven't touched them for about a month. I did squats, bench, and chin-ups, 5 sets each, all high reps, and immediately got sore.

I was feeling it this morning, but decided I'd get the run in today. So right after church I started in on my half marathon. I basically did 4 5K loops around my hood. I'd pick up Powerade and nutrition as I looped around my house.

And this is why I'm The Pretend Triathlete. It started out well, Garmin said I was doing 7:30 miles, but by the end it was closer to 10:00 and I was feeling it. As I ended my last loop, the longest loop as it worked out, I saw that we had visitors at the house, friends of the family. They were just getting ready to leave as I arrived. So here I am wanting to sit down, or die, and I need to engage in a little small talk and chit-chat. At one point I leaned up against the house to catch my breath. They drove off and I'm sure wondered why I was so tired. It was obvious I'd been out running, they could plainly see that, but they probably thought that I was seriously out of shape. They may be right.

Tomorrow I'll try to get out early and ride and complete my 70.3 weekend. I need to get some good training in this week, because next week I have a very busy schedule and it may be tough to work out. Then on September 23 I'll be in Branson at the 70.3 race. On that day I have to do all 70.3 miles in one day.

*I had to walk a couple of times. Hey, my knee started hurting, give me a break!