Run Like a Deer

We wake up to gun fire around here at the start of deer season. The season actually starts next Saturday, but there is a special youth hunt today and tomorrow, so I heard the distant rifle booms this morning as I contemplated an early morning run.

Although I'm thankful for the legions of men, and women, in my neck of the woods who bravely take to the forest to protect us from the poor defenseless Bambis out there, I do feel like I should wear hunter safety orange while running. Occasionally I'll hear gunfire while I'm out, depending which trail I take, but I comfort myself knowing that if I hear the gunfire, then they missed me.

I actually have nothing against hunting, and maybe someday I'll go. I would want it to be a challenge, however. I mean, c'mon man! I've been out running and seen deer close enough to hit with a rock, let alone a rifle and a scope. In the paper there'll be pictures of kids with deer they killed. "Susie Q, 8 yrs old, from Podunk, MO, killed this 12 pt buck Sat. morning." I never heard of an 8-year-old completing an Ironman. See, there's a challenge!

Completing an Ironman must be a serious challenge, but training for one is challenging as well. For instance, I'm sitting here procrastinating a run and using the excuse that I need to update the blog. Can you blame me? It's 34° outside. I have a warm quiet house because the kids are at their Grandmother's, and I just made some coffee in the coffee press. So why in the world should I go outside and exert myself? Oh, and another reason to stay hunkered down, the woods are filled with children and firearms today.

Seriously, I'll have another cup of joe, or two, then I'll get out and do some running. No trails today. I'm going to keep it in town. There's an Ironman somewhere calling, and I need to be ready, and I don't want to get tagged by Susie Q.

Tis the Season

Don't you love this time of year when the leaves starting turning to orange and red, but you can't see them on your run because it's still way too dark that early in the morning? I love it too!

This morning was the first I wore pants on my run in a long time. I'm glad I did; it was frosty out there. I have various appendages that are susceptible to freezing temperatures, so in addition to pants, I wore gloves and a watch cap.

frosty morning

I'm always tempted to put on way too many clothes, but this morning I did OK. I didn't get over heated at all. In the past I've tried to keep a log of what the weather conditions were, what I wore, and how I felt. It would be a lot easier if I kept that up and then referred to it before putting on that hoodie and then tying it around my waist half way through the run.

The other thing I think about when it gets chilly is that just a few weeks ago I was complaining about how friggin' hot it was out there. So what's better to work out in, hot weather, or cold? Or to ask it another, more creepy way, how much do you like to sweat?

Am I Lazy or Just a Wussie

My in-laws acquired a few chickens and the hens are laying eggs. They gave us a couple dozen eggs and I boiled three of them this morning for my AM protein. I don't know why but I feel just like a peasant in feudal France eating these eggs. I don't know if French peasants even ate eggs. I guess because someone I know actually gathered the eggs it makes them more rustic.

The French today enjoy watching pro cyclists ride through their country in a spectacle known in English as "Le Tour de France." If at forty-one I ever hope to compete in le Tour I need to start training on the bike. But getting outside and actually taking your bike with you is such a hassle! There's traffic, weather, and who knows what else?

Enter indoor trainers. I'm contemplating getting one of these things but would obviously like to make the right decision before I plunk down however many francs these things cost. I read a few reviews on Amazon and I have read about other cyclists using them, but I'd like to know if they'd be right for me. At least one plus I see with them is you're training on your own bike, so maybe it wouldn't be exactly like training outside, but at least you're sitting on your own saddle.

A pricier option is a stationary bike. This option worries me a little because I've rarely ridden one that felt anything like riding a real bike. I did ride one at a Y recently that was pretty good. It had aero bars and everything. I looked at the reviews for the Proform le Tour trainer, but the reviews are mixed, people aren't happy with the customer service, and it weighs in at about €926. That's a lot of bread for a peasant like me if I don't end up liking it.

Or, should I just go outside and ride? Wouldn't that make more sense? After all, if you want to do triathlon and cyclocross, you have to get used to the weather. I know I can read the All Seasons Cyclist and be well outfitted for any condition, and I do hope to make it out more this winter on my 'cross or trail bike, but sometimes I'd like to go down to the garage in the morning before work and knock out forty-five minutes of riding without too much hassle.

One other issue I complain about regularly is the lack of good roads around my town. I live in a thriving metropolis with a population of about 9,000 people. You would think there would be a good country road where I could ride for miles and miles without even thinking about it. There are some roads, but they don't have shoulders, and with the curves and the rolling hills I'm too nervous to get out on them. So I do most of my long rides on the Katy Trail, an old railway line converted to a biking trail here in Missouri. It's OK and I appreciate it being there very much, but it is flat and covered in fine gravel, so it's not exactly like riding on the road either.

If you have any suggestions, let me know. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go and gather some lovely filth.

The Doldrums

What should you do after the last race of the season? Take a significant amount of time off? Keep training? Sign up for more races? Eat potato chips and hotdogs for lunch? (I did that last one today, so check.)

It's hard to decide how lazy I should be. What I do know is I don't want to start from zero when I do start, so, I took about a week off in September, and started working again at the end of the month. Nothing heavy, just weights, some running, and swimming.

Wait, what? Swimming?

Yes, I actually went to the pool twice since September 23rd. Since I started triathlons three or four years ago I never hit the pool after September until February. And this time I have a new approach. I am no longer going to just put in laps and try to hit a certain distance. I will do a number of sets and make sure I hit some time goals for those sets. For instance, swim four laps in four minutes, and then beat that by two seconds the next set. That sort of thing. (Our indoor pool here in town is 25 yards long, so a lap is 50 yards, and not 100 meters.)

I also plan to take paper and pen with me to the pool to record my sets and make sure I'm making improvements. I see a few soggy notebooks in my future. How do real swimmers record their workouts? They must have something.

Anyways, I did it the other way all those other years and never got any better, so I'll try it a different way and see what happens.

Otherwise I'm still sitting here in the doldrums, trying to get motivated, and trying to decide if Ironman is for me. Hey, they're racing in Kona this weekend. If that doesn't motivate you, what will?

Red Red Whine

In yesterday's post I related how I had a bad race in Branson last Sunday. I was pretty disappointed, during, and after, the race. Heck! I'm still a little disappointed right now. But I own that bad race.

I talked about how my back tightened up and made it hard to get good deep breaths. At one point I thought I might die, but I realized it would be a slow death, slow enough to let me finish the race, so I might as well keep moving. I think the reason my back gave me that trouble on the run is because I didn't train enough on the bike. I think my back was reacting to being in the aero position for so long, which it's not accustomed to doing.

I also know that if I'm really honest I'd say I don't really 'train', but rather, 'exercise'. Even though I track my times and efforts and all that, it's been a while since I've put that information to use. That's the main problem with my swim. I'm happy to just knock out a certain distance. I need to incorporate some time goals and work to achieve them. Space and time, just like that famous triathlete Einstein told us about.

Even in the midst of that run last Lord's Day, I remembered something I read the night before. I ran across an article on some triathlon site about things to remember on race day. Probably a little late to start getting ready for a race the night before, but the last thing on the list was something like, "Be thankful you are able to race." So I had to give thanks for being out there, even as a man with a prosthetic leg passed me. Props to him.

So what now? Man, last Sunday I said I was never doing a triathlon again! Today I'm looking at full Ironman races and trying to decide which would work out best for me. Actually, I think if I get into a full Ironman I want to meet some intermediate goals before I even sign up. But that's tricky, because a lot of these races fill up so fast. And I'm disappointed that the St. George race in Utah is now a half Ironman. Wisconsin sells out the day registration opens (what is it with that race?). So maybe TX or Louisville? Any thoughts?

At any rate, I did work out today for the first time since last Sunday. Squats, deadlift, and crunches. Twenty-four minutes all together. I recorded the weights and sets, but it was really just a light set to get back into the swing of things. Let's see if I can get any better at the next workout.

ps. BTW, normally you can follow me on Twitter, @kenkenkenusa, but yesterday I broke my iPhone (I know, I'm very sad). My son and I decided to go shoot skeet. At one point we were messing with the cord you pull, and I set the launcher. Cut to the launcher getting released and hitting me in the leg. I didn't think much of it at first, but then I thought, "That didn't hurt as much as I thought it would." And then, "Oh crap! My phone is in my pocket." Sure enough the screen got shattered. It still displays the time and the lock screen photo, but I can't "Slide to unlock." So, we may make a trip to the Apple store tomorrow.

The Big Branson 70.3 Bust

or

How Bad Do I Suck at Triathlon?

or

Time to Start Blogging About Something Else

Wow! What a let down. I knew my time wouldn't be great, but c'mon man!

Last Sunday I participated in the Branson 70.3 Ironman race. I say 'participated' because I didn't 'compete'. I was present. I, in fact, finished the race, but only after several others finished ahead of me.

My goal was to do just a little better than last year. In 2011 I finished in 7:10, and it took 4:05 to get through the bike course. So I thought I'd push it just a bit more on the bike and get done that much sooner. Everything went as planned, until I started running, my strongest event.

The day started early at Moonshine Beach. Normally it's an Army Corps of Engineers park, and the water is surprisingly clear. The water was also surprisingly warm. At 74 degrees it was warmer than the air, but still wetsuit legal. I got my transition all set up and got my wetsuit on and decided I should hit the port-a-potty once more before my wave started.

Normally urinating in a port-a-potty is uneventful, if not really smelly. You don't expect to be put on display when you're in there. There were about fifteen port-a-johns lined up but there were only five or six lines of people taking turns to get into one. Everyone was standing 10-15 feet back from the doors and nobody was going into a john unless they saw someone come out. There was no one going down the line knocking on doors looking for an empty one.

So with that knowledge I stepped into the head and didn't feel it necessary to lock the door. About midstream I hear a knock. "Just a second!" I say. Knock again. "Just a second!" At this point the door opens and a young lady is standing there (mid 20s?). If I opened a port-a-potty door and there was anyone in there I'd probably get that door shut in half a second and be embarrassed. This girl lingered! I tried to keep my back to her but I turned my head around and looked her in the eye. She did not meet my gaze. I swear to you it seems like she was trying to get a look at my johnson. It's like she was trying to see what I was holding in there. And it's not like she was, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" and then slammed the door. It was more like, "Oh, let me see what this guy is holding over there. What is that? Oh well, he obviously doesn't want me to see. I guess I'll close the door and go wait in line."

So with that out of the way, I decided to go for a swim with a few other guys 40-44 years old. I finished this 1.2 mile swim in 48:04 in 2011, in 2012 I finished in 48:12. Lost a few seconds, but consistent, uh? Pretty slow, too. I don't know why I swim so slowly, but my wife diagnosed my stroke and said I'm "methodical."

On to the bike. Last year I had no idea about my pace, speed, or anything while riding. So this year I brought my Garmin just so I could make sure I maintained some sort of minimum speed. I calculated that if I averaged 17 miles per hour I could finish in about three hours. After the first loop I could see that wasn't going to happen. There's about 3,000 feet of total ascent. If you don't believe the hills in Branson are steep and long, read anyone else's blog that did this race. I haven't read one where the blogger says, "There were hills, but they weren't that bad." Up hill I'd hit 7-9 miles per hour. Down hill I'd get up to around 38 MPH. Others say they went much faster (50+). I'm too much of a wuss to stay in the aero position on those down hills.

I finished the 56 mile hilly, non-flats, bike course in 3:44! That's 20 minutes better than 2011. I was happy getting off the bike. I started running, and my happiness ended.

As soon as I got off the bike and started running pain went through my midsection and around to my back. Not my lower back, it was all up around my ribcage. At first I couldn't figure out what was going on. I'd never experienced this kind of pain before. My first thought was I had eaten too many goos and my gut was reacting, but it wasn't that kind of pain. After probably three or four miles I finally figured out what was going on.

For whatever reason the muscles in my back started to spasm. When they did it constricted my ribcage and it got hard to breathe. I would literally have to force myself to take deep breaths, but when I did, more spasms. So I would slow down and walk until things calmed down. Then I'd start running, and with each step I could feel the muscles getting tighter and tighter. As they'd tighten they forced these little grunts out of me. So as people ran by they'd hear, "Huh, ugh, uh, erh." Finally I would have to walk again.

I really thought I'd get through this after the after the first few miles, but it persisted the whole race. I had to walk several times. I stopped and bent over a few times. At one point I crouched down and some dude told me not to stop and to not sit down, so I kept going. Once while I was walking a girl walked past me and said she didn't know if it hurt more to run or walk. I said walking hurt my pride but running hurt my body.

I finally finished the 13.1 mile run in 2:55. In 2011 it was 2:06. I was disappointed to say the least.
Well, this is long enough already. I have more to talk about, like the tallest guy ever to ride a bike and other observations while racing. I'll have to save them for another post. Sorry, no pics. My wife and I didn't even think to take the camera.

Branson 70.3 Tomorrow

Today's the day. Not the day of the race, but the day I get to go over and pick up my race packet and get all checked in for the Branson 70.3. My wife and I will drive over to the host hotel, I'll show them my ID, I'll pick up my swim cap and the obligatory tee-shirt, and I'll look at all the high-priced memorabilia in the Ironman store. There'll be a meeting I have to attend to explain the rules and logistics, then I'll go down to the beach and check in my bike and get my body marked. I'll probably go on over to The Landing and get my running stuff dropped off at T2 so I don't have to mess with that in the morning. After that, who knows.

My goal for this year is to do a little better than last year. The biggest opportunity is on the bike. I brought my Garmin so I can keep track of my speed. However, I plan to consume more calories this year than last year. That should make the biggest difference. I don't think I ate enough last year and by the end of the ride I was dragging. The hills here in Branson aren't a joke, so it's going to take a lot of Clif/Powerbars to get this done.

One thing that worries me are my various knees. They have been sore for a little while. Nothing major, just a little ache when I walk and stuff. Those little aches can turn into big pains when trying to run 13.1 miles. I did give them some rest leading up to tomorrow, so maybe it'll be OK. Still, I thought I'd better go ahead and get my excuse out there for why I might not finish.

Should I try for a full Ironman? I'll let you know after tomorrow. I'd like to say I finished one, I just don't know if I have the patience to train for one. Anyways, two 70.3s completed a year apart make ones 140.6, right?

The Grossest Part About Cycling

Today, Labor Day, I got in 56 miles on the bike, completing the 70.3 weekend! Yeah!
It got hot out there today. It was 91 degrees when I got back, and I was feeling it. Over the 56 miles I saw a number of other cyclists, a few turtles, and two horses with riders. Oh, and I only fell off my bike once.

Warning: Skip down to the asterisks if you do not wish to read about cycling and male physiology.

Sometimes on these longer rides I develop a little discomfort in the Nethers. Of course I try to reposition myself on the saddle to alleviate my discomfort, but eventually I realize it's going to take some, uh, manual manipulation to rectify the situation. So, I look around to make sure there are no witnesses, and then I, um, reach down to free myself, as it were. That really should be all I write about that, but there is one more thing to say about it. The point of relaying this to you is that once I've found myself, often I can't feel it because it's numb, like when you lie on your arm too long. Am I the only one? I'm sure this is where the phrase "numb nuts" comes from.

*****************************

I saw a dude out riding today, and though his bike wasn't exactly a recumbent, the guy had a chair for a saddle. I'm not kidding. It had a back and a nice wide seat and everything. Man, I bet he never has to re-adjust. I wonder if he even wears bike shorts.

Warning: Skip down to the asterisks if you don't want to read about bike shorts.

The grossest thing about cycling is the bike shorts. I'm not talking about how us guys look wearing them, though you could make a case for that. I'm talking about that giant pad in the bottom that's intended to cushion your ride. I still feel like a newbie, so I remember when I got my first pair of shorts, looked on the inside and thought, "What the what? Someone sewed a Depends up in these things!" And this is why it's so gross; I assume you're not supposed to wear undies with you bike shorts.

*********************

Occasionally I tell people yes, when you first start riding you'll be sore in a few places you're not supposed to be sore, but the more you ride the more comfortable you get. I still get achy in my lower back when riding, but after researching a little more, it seems like I just need to ride more miles, and perhaps work on my core. Lately I've been trying to stretch my lower back as well. I'm not great at stretching out, I haven't made it a habit, but I think it's helped my back.

OK, I need to go. I gotta get the grill going and get my protein grilled. Happy Labor Day!

Katy Trail

14.3 Miles So Far

Friday I swam 2000 meters and today, Sunday, I ran* 13.1 miles. Tomorrow I hope to bike at least 56 miles. That will complete my 70.3 weekend, albeit out of order.

As I finished my swim on Friday morning it started raining here, and it was glorious. Thank you hurricane Isaac for gracing us with your presence. It rained Friday and Saturday, but not a big gully washer. It was just a good steady rain, and we needed it bad. So because of the rain on Saturday I elected to lift weights, even though I haven't touched them for about a month. I did squats, bench, and chin-ups, 5 sets each, all high reps, and immediately got sore.

I was feeling it this morning, but decided I'd get the run in today. So right after church I started in on my half marathon. I basically did 4 5K loops around my hood. I'd pick up Powerade and nutrition as I looped around my house.

And this is why I'm The Pretend Triathlete. It started out well, Garmin said I was doing 7:30 miles, but by the end it was closer to 10:00 and I was feeling it. As I ended my last loop, the longest loop as it worked out, I saw that we had visitors at the house, friends of the family. They were just getting ready to leave as I arrived. So here I am wanting to sit down, or die, and I need to engage in a little small talk and chit-chat. At one point I leaned up against the house to catch my breath. They drove off and I'm sure wondered why I was so tired. It was obvious I'd been out running, they could plainly see that, but they probably thought that I was seriously out of shape. They may be right.

Tomorrow I'll try to get out early and ride and complete my 70.3 weekend. I need to get some good training in this week, because next week I have a very busy schedule and it may be tough to work out. Then on September 23 I'll be in Branson at the 70.3 race. On that day I have to do all 70.3 miles in one day.

*I had to walk a couple of times. Hey, my knee started hurting, give me a break!

Cycling on TV

Well, Christian Van de Velde of team Garmin-Sharp-Barracuda won the USA Pro Challenge. Good for him! I know nothing of that guy, but Christian is a good name for a guy, and I have a nephew named Christian. One of my favorite books is about a guy named Christian who rides his bike along the narrow way all the way to Heaven, so that's reason enough to cheer for him.

In sadder Garmin news the strap on my Garmin Forerunner 305 broke. See:

Garmin strap

The clasp thing came off the end of the strap because the plastic cracked. I tried to fix it with duct tape a couple of times, but it keeps coming off. I suppose I could complain to Garmin, but I've used this for a year and a half, so I'll probably just go to Wal-Mart and get a band for eight bucks or so. I don't know.

Speaking of watching cycling on TV in hopes it makes you a better cyclist, I complained during the Olympics, probably on Twitter, that I didn't have the Universal Sports network. I discovered this weekend that I do have that channel. It's way up on 402, but it's not an HD channel, so kind of happy, still kind of sad. At any rate, they have a lot of cycling.

They also have triathlons. Over the weekend I watched two sprint triathlons staged in Hamburg. The swim took them through this tunnel thing, and the bike route went through the transition area on the second loop. Some non-Americans won, but on the podium they gave them these huge glasses of beer. I'm serious. These glasses were taller than donkeys. I am now training for the Hamburg Sprint Triathlon.

Ok, see you tomorrow morning at the pool. If you get there early, cut a hole in the ice.

Swimming with a Wetsuit, in the Dark?

The day before today I got up and was at the pool by 6AM. It's still dark here in Missouri at 6AM this time of year, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, we're swimming at the outdoor pool. So with my shaded goggles I could just make out the stripe on the bottom of the pool, but I did come close to hitting my head on the wall the first couple of laps.

Swimming in the dark was interesting, but the significant point about this workout is how easy it felt. That's due, I'm sure, to my wetsuit.

Wetsuit Badge

I think my wetsuit is called the Oceanic Vantage, or something like that. From everything I've read, the wetsuit can help you swim faster, both anecdotal evidence and actual studies seem to indicate it's true. One way to tell if it helps you is to count your strokes per lap with and without the suit. If you're taking fewer strokes per lap with, then, all things being equal, it should be helping. Naturally, you'll still need to employ good form (someone tell me how to do that).

So I swam 1500 meters yesterday morning, and, since the air temp was 70 degrees, I thought, "Let's break out the wetsuit so that I look like a pansy when the senior citizens show up and swim in their bathers." Nevermind the swim time, it's not important since it was so pathetic. What I want to tell you is it didn't feel like it was a chore to get through those meters. I felt like I was gliding through, um, water. The suit provided enough buoyancy for my legs so that they didn't feel like anchors.

It's nice that the indoor pool is shut down and I'm able to swim outside with a wetsuit for practice. My first triathlon of the year is generally in June or July, and by then the water is too warm for a suit. Last year I rented a suit, it arrived on Thursday, I swam a few laps at the indoor pool on Friday morning, and I was racing with it on Sunday. The extra practice this year should help.

OK, gotta go. Need to ride today.

Cold Water Training

Yesterday I got up and the thermometer said the temperature outside was 56 degrees. Burr! I went on over to the pool, which is about a block from my house. Normally it isn't that close, but through July and August it is. Well, the city drains the indoor pool every July for cleaning and maintenance. Generally they open it back up in August. While it's closed they open the outdoor pool in the morning for lap swimming. This August, however, we are still swimming in the outdoor pool because they lack a part to fix the indoor pool. I don't mind swimming outside. In fact, I prefer it, but I forgot what 56 degrees felt like this summer.

At any rate, I get into the water, and promptly freeze my butt off. Since the pool is a block from home, I decide to go home and get my wetsuit. I acquired said wetsuit circa 1996 when I was stationed in Okinawa and did some diving. Now I know why I kept it all these years. Actually, I thought the suit performed well, and I'll probably wear it at the Branson 70.3 next month. It's only 3mm thick. I understand the maximum allowed by rule is 5mm. I may look like a dork swimming with a diving suit (it has these pieces of plastic that cover the knees), but that's OK, I'll save a few bucks. Last year I rented a wetsuit.

The only thing about this wetsuit is that it was hard to get off. I may swim again in the morning with it, but I'll try that body glide and see if that helps me get it off. It's sleeveless, which after using a full-sleeved one last year, I decided to go with anyways, but it's still hard to get it off past my ankles and heels.

Today, the last day I had off before back to work tomorrow, I rode 33 miles and then ran a 5K. The temps were in the mid 80s when I got done at around noon, so a can't complain about that, not this summer. If the water is as cold tomorrow as it was Monday, I may feel obligated to complain about that, though.

Training While on Vacation?

Last week we had the opportunity to make our pilgrimage to that most holy of children's Meccas otherwise known as Disney World. I'd never been, so you can imagine my sense of fulfillment once I gazed upon that magnificent geodesic sphere known as Spaceship Earth! But was I able to train while in the sunshine state? Well, you be the judge.

Blue Angel at the Florida welcome center!

We left home last Saturday morning with Lindsay Buckingham's Holiday Road playing in our heads. Our goal was Meridian, Mississippi, where we spent Saturday night. The hotel had a "health center" which consisted of a Nautilus machine, an old stair climber machine, and a treadmill. I decided to use the Nautilus. It had a station for benching, lat pull downs, leg extensions, and all that. The "health center" was in a room that measured about 12' x 14'. There were three young girls in there when I arrived (early twenties, late teens? I can't tell anymore). They evidently couldn't figure out how to work the Nautilus, because when I started using it they were like, "Oh, OK." Then they started ribbing me a little with, "Oooh, gettin' buff. You come see us once you get all buff." Thankfully they left and I could work out in peace.

I worked my girly pecs and then did some lat pull downs. I worked for about forty-five minutes, and if you hear me now you can believe me later, I felt da burn.

The next day, Sunday, we got up and drove on in to Pensacola, Flo Rida. We spent the day and that night on Pensacola Island. At the beach I tried to swim a little. I did a few laps swimming out and back in. Because of the rip tide that day swimming out was much easier than swimming in. I'd be swimming out, then look up, and I was half way to the Yucatan. But coming back in felt like I was towing a raft full of Cubans. Altogether I don't think I swam any significant distance. We did rent a kayak, and that thing punished my shoulders and arms, not to mention blisters on my hands. I've been wanting to get a kayak and I know now to get one with a back rest.

Pensacola Island

Big shell at Pensacola Island

On Monday I got up to do a beach run. Now, it had been a long time since I "ran" on a beach, and it was a lot harder than I remember or I'm just getting too old. It's been six days since that run and I can still feel it in my calves! What's up with that? It's not like I never run. At any rate, I "ran" three miles in the sand. We then packed up and headed for Orlando Bloom.

Our resort at Disney, I was happy to see, had a pool, and it looked to be about 35 or 40 meters long. However, on Tuesday morning I got up and ran four miles around the resort. There was a nice walk way around a lake and at that hour I was able to run without encountering a lot of people.

After my run, we got ready and went in to the Magic Kingdom. We opened the place up, and we pretty much closed it down. I'd like to count all that walking and standing around as training, but my six-year-old walked just as far as I did that day, so I don't think I can include it! Keep in mind, though, my calves are already sore from the sand run, and every time I stop to take a break, they get all stiff and it takes a few steps to get them going again. (I know, boo hoo!)

So we get back to the room late Tuesday, and on Wednesday I get up to swim. I was able to get a few laps in before some other folks started showing up. Who's ready to hit the pool before 8AM unless you're doing laps? Well, some people are. One end of the pool was zero entry, so I'd swim down until my hands hit the bottom, then turn around and go back. I maybe got ten laps in before I called it quits. Then it was off to Epcot and more walking. We once again opened it up and closed it down.

Excited aobut Captain EO

Thursday I slept in and didn't do anything, except walk all around the Disney Hollywood Park, or whatever you call it. We saw everything we wanted to see by about seven that night, so we went on back to our suite. And really, that's all the work outs I got in. Of course, the vacation wasn't about working out, but you might think you'd have more time to get some work outs in while on vacation. That wasn't necessarily the case this time. My wife keeps talking about a beach vacation where we get a house and spend a week with nothing planned except hanging at the beach. Perhaps some day, and I'll be ready for that beach run.

So, how productive was my week? In terms of family it was great. Work outs, not so much, but that's OK. It's not like I have a 70.3 in Branson in about 35 days. Oh, wait, I do? That's not good.

Warsaw Area Sprint Triathlon

Today is my wife's birthday, so happy birthday Michele!

Last Sunday my wife accompanied me to the Warsaw Area Sprint Triathlon. This happened in Warsaw, Missouri. 500 meter swim, 12 mile bike, 5K run. It took me about an hour and twenty minutes.

I was prepared to give props to the company that ran the race, Split Master Timing, but when I looked for the results this morning, a week later, they're still not posted on the website. So they are a little slow in getting results up, but I will give them credit for their organization and keeping it fun for the spectators and racers. They're a husband and wife time and they both wear a microphone. So throughout the race they banter back and forth, give instruction, and explain triathlon to the spectators. This all in between the upbeat music that's blaring.

This race was the shortest triathlon I've ever done. There were only about 17 people who raced, so it was also the smallest race I've ever been in. With so few runners, I think everyone won something. I was first place in my age division! I was also the only one in my age division. Well, there was one other guy, but he ran with his wife side by side, and I assume it was her first ever race of any kind, and they finished dead last. This dude had a serious tri bike and a race kit, so I figure he would've smoked me had he really been running.

Afterwards we got free Subway sandwiches, so you can't beat that.

Here are some pics:

Exiting T1

Exiting T2

Returning from Run

Running Heavy

Last year at the end of July I weighed 151.5.

Yesterday I weighed 158.5.

I'm no Archimedes, but even I know that's a difference of 7 pounds.

So what's that mean in practical terms. Profoundly, I'm 7 pounds heavier this year! That doesn't seem like a lot, but go out to your garage and grab whatever weighs 7 pounds and carry it around all day. See, makes your arms tired, doesn't it.

OK, it's not exactly the same, and honestly I don't know that it makes any difference. I do wonder what has made the difference, though. I don't think I'm eating differently than last year. I am still lifting, where last summer I abandoned the weights, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I complained about this in my last post, but this summer is hot, hot, hot as hell August. And dry! "Brown and crispy" is a phrase we're hearing a lot. I generally take my son camping in the summer, but we've pushed that back this year. Besides, Missouri Conservation has banned camp fires at all parks for the time being, so forget that. Camping is not camping unless you're using lighter fluid to get the camp fire going.

There is a race in Warsaw tomorrow, and I'll be there. It's a sprint distance tri, and I hear the bike course traverses the dam. Oh, that reminds me, I better see if I can find my bike.

I'm watching the Olympic road race right now, and I watched as much of le Tour as I could even though I don't get the NBC Sports channel (btw, thank you NBC Sports channel for putting the Olympic triathlon on your channel, I appreciate not having to watch that since it's one of the rare times a triathlon is actually on TV. I mean, I get MSNBC, CNBC, Bravo, and of course regular NBC, but you put the tri on the one channel I don't get because it's not included in my tier). After watching these races, I'll be very disappointed tomorrow if I don't see some European dudes with flags tied around their necks running along side the riders tomorrow.

If I do well in the race tomorrow, I'll let you know how it goes.

Running Hot

The last thing my neighbors want to see is a grown man running through the 'hood butt-naked. I don't blame them, I don't want to see that either because, you know, barefoot runners can be anoying. However, it's been so hot up in here I'd completely understand if, per Nelly's admonition, people started to take off all their clothes.

This afternoon I went out for a five miler, and it was about 100 degrees Fahrenheit. I hate running when it's that hot! I swear I died and went to slow jog hell. I could practically hear folks driving by in they cars, "What's that idiot doing?"

A couple of weeks ago I ran in the Shawnee Mission Triathlon. One thousand meter swim (nice and level), eighteen mile bike (hilly), and four point five mile run (two dam inclines). My time was worse than last year! What's up with that? Again, I blame the heat. Not at the race, we were finished before it got really blazing, but because I'm too lazy to go out and train while it's stupid hot.

In a couple more weeks I'm going to run a race in Warsaw! Yes, that Warsaw, Warsaw, Missouri. Never heard of it? I'm shocked! Well, they're hosting the first ever Warsaw Triathlon, and I will be there. Warsaw, Missouri also hosts the Truman Dam which holds back all the water in the Truman Resevoir. I think we'll be swimming below the dam, but not really sure. I'll find out when I get there.

That's shaping up to be my second to last race of the year. Lord willing I'll be at the Branson 70.3 again in September. Someone from Springfield told me this is the last year they will put on that race but I haven't been able to confirm that because I have done absolutely no checking. I hope they don't do away with it. It's the closest Ironman event to me. The next closest is the Kansas 70.3 which is in Lawrence.

As I type Tombstone is on TV. I've never seen it. There are a number of famous actors in this show. Kurt Russel, Val Kilmer, Powers Boothe, Bill Paxton, Jason Priestly (uh?), Thomas Haden Church, the guy from The Terminator, Sam Elliot, that woman from that TV show from the 90s(?) that I never watched, and others! Oh, there's that guy from Lost who started out in the wheelchair.

Speaking of movies, I read yesterday that Henry Hill died back in June. Ray Liotta played him in Goodfellas. Does that have to do with anything? I don't know, but if I keep sucking on these races I enter I'm going into the witness protection program.

Running Deaf

The other day my headphones crapped out. This happens from time to time. Every so often I have to go out and get new headphones. The connection becomes loose down by the end that you stick into the iPod. I assume it’s because they get jostled so much by the running, biking, etc.
I can’t use the earbuds that come with the various i devices; they won’t stay in my ears while I’m moving. So I go out and buy the cheap Phillips set that hooks over my ears. They work just fine until that connection becomes loose. The sound quality is OK-they almost block out all the annoying traffic noise.

I have run so long with something playing in my ears that I can hardly concentrate if I’m left with my thoughts. Yet most races don’t allow headphones. I suppose I should train the way I race, but man, it gets boring when I have to entertain myself.

So what do I think about when I don’t have a podcast going?

“I wonder if those expensive headphones work any better than these cheap ones. Would they lose the connection at the bottom? Probably, they’re not really made for running, are they? I bet they make headphones just for running. They’ll sell you anything. I probably should have pooped before I left. I sweat all over these headphones, so I don’t want to get anything too nice. Man, I really need to do number 2. I wonder if the bass level is better on those expensive…oh man, I have to poop! Dang it! This is going to be the first run where I have to pull over and take a dump in the bushes!”

My intrepid iPod Nano is still going, however. It is several years old. It’s one of the earlier models. Meriwether Lewis used one like mine while exploring the Louisiana Purchase. Yet it has seen better days. I can’t get the display to work right anymore. I have to re-set it just to see my playlists and what not. But after all, it’s been sweated on, jostled, dropped, and who knows what else, and it appears it will live forever, like Steve Jobs.

There’s this iPod Shuffle you can get that you can swim with.

The Nano really is perfect for working out. It’s not too heavy, not too bulky, not too flimsy. It’s easy to get your music and podcasts on there via iTunes. Mine has no wireless capabilities, but maybe the newer ones do. I think the newer ones have cameras. That would be nice. Sometimes when you’re out running and you see something odd, like a guy toting two samari swords, you need something to obtain photographic evidence. What would I do without my Nano? Probably go get one of those waterproof Shuffles.

Bye for now. Let me know if you have any headphones that work well while you’re running and/or riding. And let me know if headphones is even the right word. For some reason I have this image of someone out running with those big ’70s style headphones bouncing up and down on their head.

iPod Nano

 

Still Alive

For some reason I think about how I may die more frequently than a licensed psychologist might consider healthy. When I'm given to such morbid daydreams, I never imagine that I'll die in a hospital bed. No peaceful passing for me with family gathered around listening as my last breath pushes out the last feeble word, and then everyone crying, and then arguing about what it was I said. My imagined demise is generally due to some horrible accident or at the hands of evil doers. Am I crazy?

When I do go I hope it's in a dignified way. Not screaming and yelling, "Ahh, it burns!", or worse, "Don't tell my wife!" I also don't want to drown during the swimming leg of a triathlon. That would be embarrassing. I already feel like a pretender when I'm out on the course. Aspirating lake water would not do much for my self-esteem. I think that would be the worst kind of DNF.

So I went swimming this morning, instead of sleeping in my bed. I read once that you always do what you most want to do. Which means most mornings I want to lie in bed dreaming of triathlon glory instead of getting up to practice staying on the top side of the water. Though if you were to ask me, "Ken, do you want to swim well in your next triathlon?" I'd say, "Why, yes, thank you for asking." But obviously what I really want is to be a world champion snoozer. Well, you know what I mean. I just want to do OK in my age group at the next snooze off.

This may not be the time or place to mention this, but I would like to come by some goggles that don't fog me over. This last pair I got said, "Won't fog you over," or something along those lines. But they lied. I've yet to swim in a triathlon with any kind of vision past the first twenty-five yards or so. I figure if I'm getting jostled now and then and inadvertently slap someone on her butt then I'm going the right way. Generally when I get to the beach I take off my goggles, and then I'm like, "Oh, it's daytime."

It's been a while since the last post, but I am still alive. I hope to see you soon, assuming I'm not wearing my goggles.

Spouting Off

Lent always seems longer to me when I actually deny myself something I enjoy, like the various delacasies I can shovel into my lip-ringed orifice, for example. This year, however, I did not swear off the much desired carbohydrates that seem to make up the bulk of my diet, rather, I am not watching the television.

I have celebrated previous Lents by going without meat, desserts, and other such nonsense. As difficult as that may be, I can say the the hardest thing I've ever given up is the black-crack, the mocha-meth, the cafe de addiction. I hated those 40 days and 40 nights so much that I promised my brain to never again give up my slow roasted heroin.

So no boob-tube means more time for training, right? Well, you might think so, but keep in mind I am extremely lazy. I can find plenty of other frivolous activities to fill my time.

I should be honest here and say that at the beginning of Lent I gave up TV, except for NCAA basketball. It's not that I'm a huge fan, but I do like watching the tourney and all that. Up until last night, if you added up all the time I spent watching games this year it would probably come up to about 33 minutes or so. Then last night I decide to watch the Kansas game. Big mistake. Those guys always lose when I decide to watch. Well, I did see them beat Memphis for the NCAA championship in 2008. But generally they lose, so this year I won't watch the Jayhawks until they're in the championship game.

So, I have gotten to the pool a few times this year. I still swim like a fish, that someone was eating last Friday. I have made one improvement; I can now breathe out both sides of my head. Formerly I was know as a right-only breather. I'm now bi. I breathe both ways.

I am ashamed to admit, however, that I am a spouter. You know how a whale surfaces and blows all that air and water out of its blow hole. I do exactly the same thing quite often. Except mine goes sideways into the other swimming lane, and not straight up into the air. I'm constantly worried I'm going to spew pool water all over my swimming partners. How embarrassing! Any breathing tips are welcome.

One more thing. This off season I got this:

OK, I've given up. I'll probably switch to WordPress permanently. I can't get my photos to upload anymore, and according to the forums it's a problem for everyone.

If you don't see me here, look here: http://pretendtriathlete.wordpress.com/2012/03/12/spouting-off/

The version of this post with a pic of my bike is at that link.

Gotta go.

The Pretend Triathlete Part Deaux, Being the Second Part

I realized after I hit "Publish" yesterday that my post may have sounded like I was denigrating two people groups: 1) Real Triathletes 2) New Year's Resoluters.

In fact, I am not.

As to number 2, see a post by the Steve in a Speedo guy. I believe I linked to that last year, but like he said in his post this year, it's worth repeating. The article basically talks about how we have the opportunity to help some folks accomplish some goals. That's what we're all on this Earth for anyways, aren't we?

As to number 1, well, I wish I did all of those things I accused triathletes of doing. However, if you're just getting into the sport or don't think of yourself as athletic, don't think you won't be able to enjoy a race just because you're not a super athlete. I've had fun at each and every race, but haven't come close to winning.

There are some very competitive people that race, but most of the community is pretty supportive. I've passed folks and been passed by folks who said "Good job!" as we went by each other. I don't normally say anything because I'm too worn out to speak and run at the same time.

It occurs to me, though, that I'm not a great evangelist for the sport; I haven't convinced even one person to run in a race. Maybe that just proves that triathlon has to choose you, and not the other way around.

OK, enough for now. Thanks for reading.

The Pretend Triathlete

I am not a real triathlete; to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. Oh, sure, I've ran in a few triathlons over the last couple of years, all Olympic distances with a 70.3 thrown in. So I do triathlons but I'm not a triathlete.

Triathletes hire coaches, have expensive bikes, swam in college or high school, and run about 100,000 miles a year. Not me.

My coach is me. My training plan is TBD. I paid $250 for my bike in 1991. I flop like a fish out of water when I try to swim. If I run 20 miles a week I feel like I climbed Mt. Everest.

In fact, not only am I not a triathlete, I'm ready to confess that I'm not even an uno-athlete. When describing my athletic prowess people use words like "awkward", "slow", and "is he serious?"

Nevertheless, I will attempt a few more races this year, and I have no time to waste. I already signed up for the 2012 Branson 70.3 Ironman.

So I need to get to the pool. The last time I swam was September 18, 2011, which, by the way, was the date of the 2011 Branson 70.3 Ironman. I had a rather poor showing that day, so that's a big reason I'm returning to the scene of the crime as if being led by the Ghost of Triathlons Past-I totally have to redeem myself. I thought I'd hit the pool pretty soon after the new year, but I may wait a couple of weeks to the let the New Year's resoluters clear out.

Until then, I'll lift weights and run. did I mention I need to get my bike put back together?

Here are my new running shoes:

Asics Gel33 Blur, or something like that. Maybe I'll write a review later. Until then stick to those resolutions; maybe I'll see you at the pool.