Triathlon/Golf

Is triathlon like golf? You bet!

Similarities of participating in triathlon and golf:

• Both can take a big chunk of your day.
• Green fees and entry fees can take a big chunk out of your wallet.
• Both require equipment to participate.
• Purchasing the equipment can take a big chunk out of your wallet.
• Some guys spend way too much on their equipment.
• At some point you have to change shoes.
• There's always the possibility that you'll lose your balls.

How are triathlon and golf different?

•  A hole in one is bad in triathlon.

I told someone yesterday that I'd lost interest in golf. He'd asked if I was anxious to get back out on the course. I said I'm inclined to go out when invited, but otherwise I don't have any plans to hit the links (that may be the first time I've ever typed "hit the links" [I'm sure I'm yet to say it {maybe today will be the day}]).

When I'm not doing all the stuff I'm required to do, like create blog posts with the indiscriminate use (of) parentheses and brackets, I try to get out and run, bike, and someday, swim. What's up with that?  I have to admit, golf sounds like a better time, especially when you spring for a cart (or when you use the one that belongs to your Father-in-Law). Oh, I just thought of another difference:

• Adult beverages are frowned upon while participating in triathlon.

Speaking of spending too much on equipment, I got a gift certificate for Christmas that I used to buy a Garmin Forerunner 305. It's pretty nifty. I'll write a little review once I get more used to it and can speak more intelligently about it.  FYI, I just saw that BeginnerTriathlete now lets you upload training data from your Garmin.

OK, enough already!

All Grown Up

My Father is almost exactly twenty years older than me.  When he was my age, he had an eighteen year old son (me!). Yes, my parents got started early with kids. Early, but not often. There's only me and my sister who followed two years later.

When I was eighteen I thought of my Dad as very much an adult.  He wasn't a kid, and really never was. He was a grown up. He knew what to do when something broke, like the car. He paid bills. He built stuff when stuff needed building. He did other Dad things too, like raise a family.

I'm a bit of a slacker. I didn't have my first son until I was twenty-nine.  That's wise, isn't it? Waiting a few years before you have kids? That's what you're supposed to do these days, right? Would it have made a difference? That's my question now, because somehow I still feel like I'm eighteen. I get this feeling that I still need to grow up.

Those feelings are more acute on days like today. This evening, after I got home from work, congratulated the kids for their good grades, and changed out of my tie and shirt, I went out and took down the Christmas lights. I imagine most guys think, "Well, gotta take down the Christmas lights." Instead, what I have going through my mind is, "What am I doing taking down Christmas lights? I don't own a house to put lights on. I'm eighteen years old!"  All of a sudden I'm David Byrne.

You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

That's exactly it.

So I may feel eighteen, but I very much have to act thirty-eight.  No one in the world looks at me and says, "Bless his heart! He's only eighteen on the inside!"  I heard Louis CK say something on one of his specials. It wasn't really the punchline of a joke or anything, but he was saying that he was forty years old, and at that point in your life no one is impressed with you anymore. Isn't that the truth? If you have a job and a house, then way to go! That's what everyone does. No one really cares what's next for you. No one will ever ask you, "What are you doing after ___ ?" again, until you retire.

Mid-life crisis? Not at all. Wondering where the days went? A little. Would I buy a red Ferrari F40 if I had the means? You bet! And I could care less what anyone thought of me and my supposed mid-life crisis! If someone asked, "Hey, are you going through a mid-life crisis?" I'd say, "Vrrrrooom! Vrrroooooooooom!"

No Way to Squat

If you live in a town that doesn't have a gym with a leg rack, and you don't own one yourself, and you want to squat, and you don't mind telling people that you "squat", then you have a decision to make. Either learn to live and be content with skinny ostrich legs, telling yourself that ostriches in fact have very strong legs, or figure out how to get enough weight over your head so as to give your quads a proper exertion when you squat with the weight sitting on your shoulders.  I decided to get the weight over my head, and that may or may not prove to be fatal.

Actually, I only have skinny legs when I wear short pants. My spandex biking short pants are baggy. As I pick up speed on the bike, they start flapping. Other riders are like, "What's that sound? Oh, it's his shorts." I can avoid all of that by wearing long pants.

I have this sneaky feeling that I'll somehow ride better if my legs are strong, so I squat.  But I really need a leg rack. Something like this:

Not this:

Instead, I came up with this:

Yes, that's a weight bar suspended between two ladders. Since the saw horses didn't kill me, I figured this would.

Saturday

You can't beat a Saturday morning at home, can you?  There are a number of things that the leftist labor movements and I disagree on, but I will march lockstep with them through the square protesting anyone who wants to take away my five day work week.  Actually, I am thankful to the Lord for giving me the opportunity to be lazy on a Saturday. After all, He did say six days shalt thou work.  Hmm. So maybe I'm to be doing some kind of work, even if it's not at my J.O.B.

The truth is, I do get a bunch of stuff done around the house that I don't get to during the week.  The fam gets more of my time as well (which I'm sure they're thrilled about).  I have "take down Xmas lights" on my list, but it's cold outside (for Missouri) so I probably won't do that today.  I'm also trying to replicate a stool my Dad made when he was in high school, but I need some cedar, so I won't do that either.  I will probably run and workout.

I've found that running when the temps are in the low twenties isn't that bad.  I've actually gotten warm while running in that weather. You have to be careful not to wear too much, no matter how cold you feel when you step outside.  Today's run will have the added challenge of ice, snow, and half melted slush on the street. After the run I'll hit the weights, with my fist, because they won't let me lift as much as I want. Seriously, I look a little like Spongebob when I lift. My arms get all wavy and my eyeballs come out of my head.

OK, my mug is empty, so I need to get a refill.  I hope your once weekly day in honor of that great ringed planet will be as fun as mine. God bless!

Saturday morn and my house:

2011

Memo

1/1/11

From: Ken

To: All of Us

Effective immediately we will no longer say, "I didn't get the memo," as in, "You guys have red shirts on. I didn't get the memo."

Also out for 2011 is the phrase, "phone tag."  Additionally, we will not say, "Tag, you're it" when leaving a voice mail message.

Finally, in 2011, if you have to excuse yourself to use the restroom, simply say, "Excuse me," and then leave, or, as may be appropriate, simply leave.  Do not say, "I have to go pee," or some other declarative indicating the bodily function you need to perform.  This will remove to the temptation for, and hopefully eliminate, someone saying, "TMI."

Ken

All Hail to the Lord of the Rings

Frodo managed to hold on to the One ring traipsing across Middle Earth while everyone from the Shire to Mount Doom tried to snatch it from him. I've lost three wedding rings in two years.

The first one I lost I had managed to hold on to for over 10 years. It was your typical gold band.  My wife and I were fortunate enough to go to Hawaii for our 10 year anniversary. Somewhere between my house and terminal B at KCI I lost it.  It no doubt sits at the bottom of a little river, waiting for the day some poor hobbit like creature discovers it and lets it ruin his life.

So, while in Hawaii I bought another ring at the big flea market they have at Aloha Stadium in Oahu. It was made out of some kind of stone. It cost about $3, and I wore it as my wedding band.  This one came to an unfortunate end because I took it off while working out in the garage. When I was done I tried to grab it, but the ring deceived me. It leaped from my hand and dove toward the concrete floor. When it hit, it broke into exactly three pieces.

The third ring of power I lost after my warm up swim at the Windsor Tri. It was a Christmas gift from my wife and it was made of titanium. I was sure it wouldn't break. But it did something I did not expect. After my warm up,  I interlocked my fingers behind my back to stretch my shoulders, and when I released my hands, the ring flew off into the grass.  I looked around but couldn't find it. I was sure that short guy with the big feet hanging around there grabbed it and put it in his pocket, but I couldn't prove it.

So, I've been ringless for a couple of months now, and I still feel naked without my Precious.  I feel the urge to tell people, "Yes, I'm married! I lost my rings, that's all."

Being the big nerd that I am, if I get a change to replace my wedding band, I'd like to get one of those replica One rings (it'll have to be a replica because, you know, the real one was destroyed). See.

In other news, I signed up for the K-Swiss Ironman 70.3 Branson.  Care to join me?

I intended to run this morning, but when I looked outside there was snow and sleet...oh, who cares? Maybe I'll go anyways.

OK, Merry Christmas! Peace of Christ to you this Christmas, and all year long.

God bless us all, everyone!

Frodo lives!

Running to the Beat

Have you tried to run to one of those tacks with bouncing club music?  I have, and I can't quite get it to work for me.  Either the beat is too slow or I can't stay on rhythm. I find myself going, "Left, left, left, right, left, OK, here we go...dang it! I'm off again!"  Another distraction is the lyrics, which are usually one line for each "song", repeated a few dozen times.  The words to a recent one I listened to went something like, "She wants it."  I spent about a mile and a half trying figure out what she wanted.

While I run or workout I generally listen to some boring podcast where they're discussing the sociological implications of theistic evolution or some other equally tedious topic. I wonder, however, if I'd run faster with music playing. Obviously I can't listen to that cool, hip dance music the kids listen to in their night clubs, but maybe something else. Would I run faster with Hank Williams playing? Or Rich Mullins? Ace of Base?

Maybe someone should put out a track with that drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket screaming in your ears. Or something else more positive and encouraging (K-Love? Ack!)?

Here's something else I wish someone would invent: a device that lets you race a "ghost". You know how on Mario Cart you can race one of the ghosts, or rather, race against yourself or someone else who's already completed the race?  As you're racing, you can see where the other person was on the track at that time. What about one of those GPS enabled wrist watches that will do that for you? I don't need a 3D display or anything, just two dots going along a route.  Most of the time I'm running along and going, "OK, what was my time when I got to the stop sign yesterday? Oh yes, one minute. No, wait, that's one mile. Wait. The turn at the park is a mile. Wait, you certainly didn't run a mile in a minute, so the stop sign must be one minute, not one mile..." That goes on for about a mile and a half.

OK, speaking of running, it's time to do that.