All Grown Up

My Father is almost exactly twenty years older than me.  When he was my age, he had an eighteen year old son (me!). Yes, my parents got started early with kids. Early, but not often. There's only me and my sister who followed two years later.

When I was eighteen I thought of my Dad as very much an adult.  He wasn't a kid, and really never was. He was a grown up. He knew what to do when something broke, like the car. He paid bills. He built stuff when stuff needed building. He did other Dad things too, like raise a family.

I'm a bit of a slacker. I didn't have my first son until I was twenty-nine.  That's wise, isn't it? Waiting a few years before you have kids? That's what you're supposed to do these days, right? Would it have made a difference? That's my question now, because somehow I still feel like I'm eighteen. I get this feeling that I still need to grow up.

Those feelings are more acute on days like today. This evening, after I got home from work, congratulated the kids for their good grades, and changed out of my tie and shirt, I went out and took down the Christmas lights. I imagine most guys think, "Well, gotta take down the Christmas lights." Instead, what I have going through my mind is, "What am I doing taking down Christmas lights? I don't own a house to put lights on. I'm eighteen years old!"  All of a sudden I'm David Byrne.

You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

That's exactly it.

So I may feel eighteen, but I very much have to act thirty-eight.  No one in the world looks at me and says, "Bless his heart! He's only eighteen on the inside!"  I heard Louis CK say something on one of his specials. It wasn't really the punchline of a joke or anything, but he was saying that he was forty years old, and at that point in your life no one is impressed with you anymore. Isn't that the truth? If you have a job and a house, then way to go! That's what everyone does. No one really cares what's next for you. No one will ever ask you, "What are you doing after ___ ?" again, until you retire.

Mid-life crisis? Not at all. Wondering where the days went? A little. Would I buy a red Ferrari F40 if I had the means? You bet! And I could care less what anyone thought of me and my supposed mid-life crisis! If someone asked, "Hey, are you going through a mid-life crisis?" I'd say, "Vrrrrooom! Vrrroooooooooom!"