What's Wrong with AMC?

If the AMC still stands for American Movie Classics, then they got some guy like me over their categorizing the movies. Me and the AMC dude obviously have the same criteria a movie must meet in order to qualify as a classic.

1. Saw it once or twice.
2. Thought it was cool.

No longer do they play exclusively black and white films that we know we should appreciate, with stars that we know we should recognize. Instead, this weekend, for instance, you will see Terminator III, Rise of the Machines. Full color, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton.

That's not to say they won't reach further back in time. They recently aired Death Wish. This film may fall into a lot of categories, but American Movie Classic generally isn't one of them. That's a shame. Charles Bronson going around NYC, shooting up badies in revenge for the killing of his wife. It's a good thing they have the guy over at AMC picking the movies and not my humanities professor (or Christopher Guest).

A few weeks ago I was able to appreciate the Rocky films, all over again. The genius film decider played Rockys I-IV. Well, he also showed V, but not everyone's perfect. And I know he has some taste because I've yet to see The Godfather part III on AMC.

Alas, however, AMC isn't perfect. Last night while screening that veritable classic Commando, another Schwarzenegger joint, a film that falls short in a lot of ways, particularly with the original release coming so closely on the heels of the first Rambo movie, I was reminded of how flawed AMC can be.

First of all, commercials come at very regular intervals. This is a drag, because I just want to see Arnold come out of the shed and hack some soldier's arm off. Instead, I'm forced to sit through about 92 Enzyte ads, and if Enzyte did what they said it did, well, nevermind.

The other problem with AMC is the movies are edited into oblivion. The aforementioned arm hacking never happened, at least not in last night's version. What's up with that? Isn't that like wrapping a towel around Angelo's Michael? When I was a kid, maybe six or seven, I distinctly remember one of the killers in Death Wish spray painting the woman's hiny. Well, in the watered-down version the spray paint is there, some of the attack is there, but the derriere graffiti is gone. Come on! I expect that when I watch Raging Bull on PBS Joe Pesci will say "Freakin'" a lot, but this is basic cable, dude. You got to trust us to not let our 8 year old sons watch Michael Corleone consolidate his power.

Well, I shouldn't complain or be negative. I resolved to not do that this year, but this has been brewing for a while. All I know is, when I tune in to the next Godfather marathon, I better see Mo Green get shot right through the eyeball. If not, I'm pulling out my DVDs and skipping the Enzyte commercials.

Merry Christmas, Scrooge!

It's hard to live down a bad reputation. Just ask Scrooge. True, he lived a lot of life hating Christmas. He was a miserly old man who could hardly find the heart to give a day off to his employee. He wouldn't give to the poor, claiming his taxes already went to things like the debtor's prison. He even coined a phrase to express disgust with all things Christmas. Bah humbug!

But do you remember the joy Scrooge felt when he awoke and found that he hadn't missed Christmas? The first thing he did was buy the biggest Christmas goose for Cratchit's family. In short, there was a total transformation. He did not go into work that Christmas day. Instead, he got dressed up and attended his nephew's Christmas party. He even made donations to the poor, much to the surprise of the philanthropists. In fact, "Many laughed to see this alteration in him, but he let them laugh and little heeded them. His own heart laughed and that was quite enough for him. And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well if any man alive possessed the knowledge."

So why do we still use "Scrooge" derisively? I say "Scrooge" is compliment, and a very fine one at that. May we all get to spend Christmas like Ebenezer Scrooge, giving gifts, helping the poor, celebrating with family and friends, and laughing in our hearts. It won't get better than that. God bless us all, everyone!

Medicare is My Fave

One of my favorite things that Medicare does is, if you're patient comes to you from a skilled nursing facility, you have to determine...oh, nevermind, it's too

Should we really shoot for living forever? Or even 100? It's damn expensive to live that long. And if you're living that long with Medicare, you're doing it on the tax payers' dime. That doesn't seem American to me (let's not talk about Medicaid right now).

Don't get me wrong, I love it when my tax dollars go toward opening up highway 13 to four lanes all the way to Springfield. I even enjoy paying for state dinners at the white house when the queen comes to visit. But should we subsidize dotage? I say no thanks.

Whoa, I think I just solved the healthcare crisis-stop providing healthcare to anyone that has a disease that could potentially be their last. (Doc, can we call it common cold and not pancreatic cancer?)

Seriously though, it costs a lot of money to stay alive when you're sick, and that money has to come from somewhere. I guess the queen will have to get used to picnics on the mall.

NFL Rule Changes

The NFL should enact the following new rules:

• One foot down inbounds for a completion. This would speed up the game because there would be far fewer challenges to the calls. It's a lot easier to see one foot down than two feet down. It would also open up the offense just a tad, and perhaps create some more scoring.
• No more PATs. You always have to go for two. The PAT is boring. They rarely miss. There is rarely any drama. The two point conversion, on the other hand, is never certain, but could often yield drama.
• A fumble is a fumble. If a fumble is called on the field, there should be no reviewing. The players need to hold on to the ball until they get up from the tackle. Who cares if the ground caused the fumble? Hold on to the ball.
• No more sudden death over-times. Each offense should get an equal number of cracks at the end zone. NCAA football OTs, any soccer and any hockey league's shoot outs are always way more exciting, and somehow seem more fair.

There you go. If the NFL adopts the above rule changes, we'd all be happier on Sunday afternoons (unless you're like me and cheering for the Chiefs this year).

They Should Be Ashamed

Ok, maybe Obama didn't refer to Palin, but those folks behind him took it that way. And did you see the way they gleefully cheered? What were they thinking? "Hey, the man we want to elect president just said a lady was a pig! Ha ha ha (clap, clap, clap)! Our guy's so smart."

Is there anyone that agrees with their candidate 100% of the time? If there are, Obama found them, and put them in the audience. Was there a pre-speech instruction, like a judge educating a bunch of jurors? "Ok, you're instructed to clap and whoop it up any time Obama pauses. Even if you think Obama just called a lady a Max Factor wearing swine, you go crazy."

Maybe there was an applause light there we couldn't see, and the crowd was just responding to that. After all, who wouldn't start snoozing once Obama starts going on with his four more years of Bush, more that, more this, fail policy this, change that,,,,afmf;lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll...Oh sorry, I fell asleep typing that. Well, you can see why the audience would need one of those lights to wake them up. "What, huh, the lights on? Oh! Ha ha ha! Whoooo! You go Obama!"

It's come to this, Obama doesn't want to oppose abortion, he doesn't want to uncover a source of energy THAT WE ALREADY KNOW WORKS, he wants to soak the rich (but only because he believes that sounds good to us working stiffs and might garner a couple of votes) and on and on, and when he loses the election we'll say, "Well, he shouldn't have called Palin a pig."

Levees

It has to be said that if you are sitting on your porch and have to look up to see the river, then you live in the wrong place. Well, you live in the wrong place if you don't expect to be flooded. People don't believe that the oceans were formed by a living God at creation, yet they will believe that a man-made mound of dirt will hold back 2/3 of the earth's surface.

There can't be very many annoyances worse that having your house flooded, along with all your memories and furniture, but can we expect anything different if we choose to live in a place that's flooded in the past, or has the potential to flood?

Where I live there is a very large reservoir, a lake really, that is controlled by a damn down stream. The water level fluctuates throughout the year, 'flooding' its banks at various times, especially in the spring. But guess what, the Army Corps of Engineers manages it, and you cannot build on it. I know the Mississippi and the Gulf of Mexico aren't reservoirs, but the question is, should we live within reach of the flood waters?

The answer is, sure, but only if you know you might drown and don't expect anyone to bail you out when you home owner's insurance policy refuses to pay.

Medicare's Mess

Do you want universal healthcare? For a taste of what it would be like, check out the Medicare program. Have you ever had to tell a senior that if he had the MRI his doctor ordered he'd have to pay for it out if his own pocket because Medicare did not consider it "medically necessary"?

More later. I just spent 8 long hours today listening to how Medicare has mandated recovery audits to take back thousands of dollars from providers because they provided services to their patients that weren't "medically necessary." Now I'm tired and I need some sleep.