If the AMC still stands for American Movie Classics, then they got some guy like me over their categorizing the movies. Me and the AMC dude obviously have the same criteria a movie must meet in order to qualify as a classic.
1. Saw it once or twice.
2. Thought it was cool.
No longer do they play exclusively black and white films that we know we should appreciate, with stars that we know we should recognize. Instead, this weekend, for instance, you will see Terminator III, Rise of the Machines. Full color, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton.
That's not to say they won't reach further back in time. They recently aired Death Wish. This film may fall into a lot of categories, but American Movie Classic generally isn't one of them. That's a shame. Charles Bronson going around NYC, shooting up badies in revenge for the killing of his wife. It's a good thing they have the guy over at AMC picking the movies and not my humanities professor (or Christopher Guest).
A few weeks ago I was able to appreciate the Rocky films, all over again. The genius film decider played Rockys I-IV. Well, he also showed V, but not everyone's perfect. And I know he has some taste because I've yet to see The Godfather part III on AMC.
Alas, however, AMC isn't perfect. Last night while screening that veritable classic Commando, another Schwarzenegger joint, a film that falls short in a lot of ways, particularly with the original release coming so closely on the heels of the first Rambo movie, I was reminded of how flawed AMC can be.
First of all, commercials come at very regular intervals. This is a drag, because I just want to see Arnold come out of the shed and hack some soldier's arm off. Instead, I'm forced to sit through about 92 Enzyte ads, and if Enzyte did what they said it did, well, nevermind.
The other problem with AMC is the movies are edited into oblivion. The aforementioned arm hacking never happened, at least not in last night's version. What's up with that? Isn't that like wrapping a towel around Angelo's Michael? When I was a kid, maybe six or seven, I distinctly remember one of the killers in Death Wish spray painting the woman's hiny. Well, in the watered-down version the spray paint is there, some of the attack is there, but the derriere graffiti is gone. Come on! I expect that when I watch Raging Bull on PBS Joe Pesci will say "Freakin'" a lot, but this is basic cable, dude. You got to trust us to not let our 8 year old sons watch Michael Corleone consolidate his power.
Well, I shouldn't complain or be negative. I resolved to not do that this year, but this has been brewing for a while. All I know is, when I tune in to the next Godfather marathon, I better see Mo Green get shot right through the eyeball. If not, I'm pulling out my DVDs and skipping the Enzyte commercials.
